This is a NASCAR Bits & Pieces Snarky Editorial on Coming to a NASCAR Nerf Dart Fight with a Tennis Ball Cannon:
Dear Carl Edwards, I’m sure you’re still upset about your Talladega flight that came off the nose of Brad’s car a while back, it’s obvious, but Carl, you need to let it go. If by my calculations, a pound for an ounce, you might be flipping Brad for the next 5 years. Besides, you went airborne because you came down on Brad and he actually defended his position. Whoa… I know Carl. You don’t want people defending themselves, you just want them to move over when you force them down out of their own line and not beat you. That’s an understandable attribute.
Despite the fact that you feel it necessary to return a pound of sand for an ounce of trouble, I’d love to make a small suggestion or two.
1) My first thought is that you need to remember that this is not a video game. Sure, slamming into the outside wall might not scrape off too much speed in a game, but Jimmie Johnson can prove, oh wait, has proven, that this particular method won’t work.
2) Hooking someone in a video game is a blast. Isn’t it? I know, I’ve seen it, I’ve done it, I’ve been the hookee. No one gets hurt because the digital car hits at a digital 180 mph speed and we all get up from the chair. I’m not really hitting the wall, nor am I getting broadsided but other cars, who are also getting torn up from your tantrums. But this isn’t a game Carl. Twice you’ve escaped the escapade with Brad not getting hurt seriously, and on both of these bigger occasions, he could have been seriously injured. But you’re just going to do what you’re going to do and not think about the ramifications. Oh wait, back at Atlanta you dwelled on your retribution for over 150 laps while you were in the garage. Never mind on the thinking part!
3) I would like to suggest that when someone taps you out of the way because you’re slow enough to let them do that, that even though it doesn’t seem possible, you too, can TAP them out of the way to take your position back. If you aren’t in the appropriate position to do so, you’ve lost your opportunity and you’ve been beat.
My favorite example of racers taping each other up out of the groove might be Jimmie Johnson and Kurt Busch at New Hampshire. Now if you were Jimmie, Kurt would have ended up embedded in the outside wall of Loudon. Luckily, he wasn’t. Instead, though he was tapped out of the way… Which I believe you yourself have done numerous times to others, Jimmie had a good car and actually tapped back, moving Kurt out of the way. See, tap for tap. But then again, that requires much more skill and finesse. What I don’t get is that you move people out of your way… but they can’t move you out of theirs? Just wondering.
Maybe you should practice finesse tapping in your video game. It really makes for a great experience for the fans when drivers push each other around. It’s done all the time in NASCAR and it is fun to see. With this new skill, I would wager you would probably start getting fans back behind you. For now, you should turn up your opponents skill level in your video game from the default 70% and crank it up to about 90, or even 95% and see how that works out for you.
For now, I believe I’ve lost any and all respect for your system of give and take… as it’s more take than anything else. Though Brad isn’t innocent in this ordeal that you have created with him, at least most of the time people are grumbling about his antics after the checkered flag and not from the infield care-center.
I’m just sayin.
