I just did my first run in 20 years. How hard can it be? I used to crank out 5 minute miles in mountains so what the heck. My wife makes 26 miles like pretty easy but I know it’s not, hell, I sometimes have issues driving 26 miles.
Yet my wife thought that one mile would be a great start to my new running career.
Never mind the issues that Father Time has brought along for this ride. Never mind the back twinge or the foot problem or the asthma… let’s kill him properly, without weapons. Let’s make him run. Then there would be no insurance issues since it wouldn’t technically be a crime. That’s what I’m thinking she’s thinking. Easy money.
So my first run in 20 years went pretty good until the wheezing and chest chortles kicked in. I never wheezed on the inhale before. Huh, that’s new! Then I started getting light headed…. so I stuck near the grassy sections of front lawns, hoping for a soft landing and missing the sprinkler heads when I collapsed.
Yea, I did OK until all that, but I pushed through to the end. It was only .9 miles to go. I cranked out a lightning 16 minute mile… I want my bicycle back woman!!!
So for my birthday, I get to walk like those people in the funny after-marathon video. Thanks wife!
All joking aside:
I know it’s a good thing I’ve done, this attempted suicide. And I have inspiration. My wife. She’s the most awesome example of “manning up” and pushing through issues. She’s set some good examples and I have a ton of respect for her. And as soon as I can stand up straight again and run, I’m going after her for this torment she’s caused!
–
Bruce
