by on June 23, 2017

in Entertainment, movie reviews

Transformers The Last Knight movie review

Transformers The Last Knight is the usual fare of a quickly jumbled told tale of the humans in the story, updates about the planet and Transformers peppered with robot updates that evolves (or devolves) into the usual planet-saving slug-fest between good and bad forces.

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Warning, The Last Knight spoilers ensue, here and there.

Transformers The Last Knight saw Mark Wahlberg, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro & Peter Cullen and the usual Transformer character voices return while we’re introduced to new characters played by Anthony Hopkins, 16-year-old Isabela Moner, Jerrod Carmichael, and Laura Haddock, who, upon first glance, looks a lot like Megan Fox.

It’s directed by Michael Bay, who has said that this is his last time helming a TF film, and it runs two and a half hours. I know, right?

The story starts out with a bunch of bullet points:

-The Transformers were here helping humanity back in the dark ages, during King Arthur’s reign, the World Wars, etc…

-Merlin (Stanley Tucci) was given the power over a group of Transformers with a staff that everyone wants.

-Cade Yeager (Wahlberg) is deemed the chosen one of Transformers lore, to defend the Earth.

-All Transformers are considered criminals against humanity, so they have to hide from the “good” guys military teams, whom feel like annoying bad guys. But they’re not. And they hide out with Cade in a junk yard out in the desert.

-Sir Edmund Burton (Hopkins) is the keeper of the secret society that has been hiding the Transformers from the history books and other things.

-Vivian (Haddock) is a direct descendant of Merlin, and only she can wield the staff everyone is after.

-There’s an evil entity that brainwashes Optimus after he ‘discovers’ his home planet. As you have probably seen from the previews, he’s brainwashed to kick Transformer ass.

-Turns out Earth is the sister-planet to Cybertron.

-And a million other points.

DISCLAIMER: Despite the sometimes sour tone I’m about to evidence, I did not hate the film. It was what it was, and it filled a few hours of my time out of the heat, after an exceptionally crummy day it was perfect for the moment. And I did not mind spending money on it at the box office.

With that said,

Basically put, we watch another robot slug-fest based around the premise of finding a staff that can help whoever holds it, kick everyone’s ass. Except that Vivian seems to be the only one who can wield it. So I was confused by that contradiction.

Cade is trying to lay low after events in the last film, but somehow, the bad good guys can seem to follow him, his Transformers buddies and human accomplices with unerring proficiency. It confused me.

Costume changes were as mysterious as they were quick. Vivian wore no less than five different outfits. First she was in her day-job business attire, gets kidnapped by an Autobot, and when she sits down to talk to Sir Burton, she’s in some kind of HOT evening gown. Then she’s suddenly in a tank top of sorts, ends up in a heavy sweater while gallivanting around in the ocean and for the final battle, she finds herself in some kind of military garb. There was a lot of costume changing by Haddock and Wahlberg.

I enjoyed the ninja butler. He was funny but almost too funny.

Bumblebee has a new gift or skill that reminds me a lot of Tony Stark’s new armor when he calls it to himself. Whaaa?

This film seems to strongly contradict the landing on Earth origin film we saw in the first movie. And it contradicts the bit about Sam’s grandfather going nuts after discovering the frozen Megatron.

And I loved the dragon! Sweet!

The story solidly hints at the premise that Sam Witwicky and his parents are dead.

We learn that Sam and his parents were part of a group called “the Witwiccans.” These people, throughout history, were charged with helping out Transformers on Earth. But when Sir Burton makes the statement that he, who is part of this genetic line of humans, is the last surviving, living member of “the Witwiccans.” That would seem to indicate that Sam and his family are dead. Curious.

I love Grimlock.

And Bay populates this film with eye candy for every age category.

– – –

All in all, yes, Transformers The Last Knight was a kinetic mess where scenes and characters blurred through scene after scene after scene, but unlike TF4, the final act/battle didn’t take two hours to shove down our throats.

For what it’s worth… how do I put this…

If you like the franchise and enjoy the developing stories around the bots, and that’s what you’re in for, then I can easily give it a popcorn 7. BUT..  the crap, happenstance editorial efforts were distracting and the end-result of the film feeling a bit jumbled and story and action slides my review rating back into the popcorn 6 category. I swear, Michael Bay just mailed this one in, worse than the others.

But overall if you’ve liked the other films, you’ll be fine seeing this one and all the new lore that injects the Transformers into every human conflict we’ve ever had on Earth. If you’re a borderline critic of the franchise, and love to hate, well, I’d avoid this one, unless you like complaining. Then go see it.

OH, and yes, there’s an end-credits scene in Transformers The Last Knight. It takes place just before the credits start to roll, and the running theory is that the human looking life form is Quintessa. It will all make sense when you see the film.

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